A little love letter

To the man laying next to me,

Because you're a heavy sleeper, I'm happy to say I can get all my thoughts out now before I lose them, all the while, laying next to you.  You are amazing.  We just talked more about saving money and in the next year or so, starting a family.  I knew you were responsible, mature, and hard-working, but I had no idea to what extent.  I can't believe that because of you, we now have some money put away.  You helped me decide to pay off the bit I had on a credit card even thought it's currently 0% interest, simply so we can really start saving money (and helped me pay it).  Today you calmed the nerves and stress I had building up from finding out that my medical insurance doesn't cover pregnancy (at all!) and we make too much to get state assistance. I'm not pregnant yet, and we plan to wait, but still... I'm one of those people who focus on the future, so it worries me... not to mention the thought of having a baby excites me like almost nothing else, so suffice it to say, it's on my mind.  You could have called me crazy, told me we'll worry about it in a few months, or got frustrated/stressed out with me...

... BUT instead, you listened to me, expressed your thoughts in a clear, mature way, showed me you love me, held me, and made plans with me today.  And it's not the first time during the nearly 2 months we've been married.  It's amazing how easy it is to talk to you about the future... and how different from when we were "just dating."  It's exactly how I hoped (and doubted) it would be... you know, marriage.  It's filled with easy, flowing, necessary communication, daily prayer together, regular meals together, hugs, kisses, love, smiles, laughs, movies...

If only I had known it would be like this - it would've erased all my insecurities that bothered you so.  I was so scared of the unknown - afraid to trust in the answer I had certainly received from my Heavenly Father when I asked him about my choice to marry you.  After that prayer I had felt so peaceful - so sure.  Then somehow little questions, doubts, insecurities would sneak their way in and mess up that peace God had given me... making me wonder if it was my own heart (and not God) who had confirmed my decision.  But now I know that it really was from Him - that marrying you was not only my desire, but His will.  I'm sure enough about that now that I'm willing to tell you in a public letter.

No matter how cheesy it sounds, you truly are my anchor.  I've been pulled back to where I need to be, and you're holding me still, to stay forever just where I need to be - in your arms.

Love,

Tu Ranita,
Kalimana

Monthaversary

Officially being married for a month now, I thought I'd begin another something new, and start a blog. With my man on my mind, I decided to title this blog "He calls me Kalimana" since... well, he does. :) Yesterday we celebrated his 31st birthday. This year I didn't playfully tease him about how "young" he is - I learned last year (when he finished off the big 30) that it wasn't a great idea. We had some good friends over and ate delicious rice, chicken, carne asada, tortillas, salsa, and... birthday cake! I withstood the urge to take out my camera setup, and left our friends to it with their camera phones - and I'm glad I did! We had a blast, and he had a great time with me there by his side (instead of behind the SLR).




We had an official "kids" talk a couple weeks ago. The plan is to wait about a year and save, save, save! I personally "can't wait" (that's such a funny phrase...) to have children. I know it'll be the biggest change/challenge/trial of my life, but also the most important and rewarding (second to marriage & my commitment to living the Gospel of Jesus Christ). There are so many ideals, plans, goals, etc... that I want to put into action with having kids... Taking advantage of the growth & development they go through during the first year of life, for example, is always on my mind. Discovering the correct disciplining methods, educating plans, etc... are so important to me. There are so many contradicting theories... such as strict government schooling vs. scheduled/regulated home schooling vs. unschooling. There are the theories of CIO (letting your baby "cry it out" in the crib) and those who fight against it. There are groups who say letting your baby sleep with you during the first year (or in a side crib) is important for nurturing, and those who are against it, saying it discourages independence (among other factors). Home birth vs. hospital birth, organic vs. non-organic, soy product debates, TV watching, guided vs. structured learning, and so much more! How will I ever make all these choices? It's a little overwhelming, but I'm so excited to soon be making these decisions... I say soon because I hesitate to make them now, in my naive, never-had-a-child state... I feel like actual experience and seeing my child's personality unfold will guide us to make these choices as they come.




Well, that'll be it for now for my first post!




I'm excited & ready for the future!




Kalli Pavon (AKA Kalimana)