Sleep talking in your love language

mind running one thought to the next 

no stop from work to home to play to sleep to wake to work to home again.

oneneverendingprocess

on my side of the bed working into the night - you sleeping soundly beside me

I can't turn me off.

Can't decide to sleep.

If only I would just lay my head on the pillo-

and then you touch me...

still snoring, you grab me

and I melt away from my computer (and the endless thoughts of to-do lists and worries) and into your sleeping embrace.

How do you do it?

you've discovered an "off" switch I could never find myself.

When you pull me close,

the lists fade, the worries become tomorrow's plans, and the world fades.

You are my gate into dreamland...

where it is always warm

and thoughts dissolve, seamlessly moving themselves into a beautiful "later" folder somewhere in the back of my brain.

There is no antidote to your power

not that I would accept it if there were.

Thoughts are complete.  Getting shorter. And fading into your physical touch.

Just stop.

Just stop.

Throw away 
looking to others
for dreams, at others
for confidence, away from others
for a chance to return
to you.

Close the lid,
shut the clasp.
Click it off.

And get to know the present moment.

So full of energy, I think tears could come.
Filled with life, each moment, every single one.
Brimming with potential -
promises of dreams
and the confidence
that YOU can make them happen
if only you would...

Just stop.

♥

Do you ever find yourself doing the most ineffective time-wasting things?  Today, I found myself wasting valuable time, doing things that weren't enhancing any personal relationship, weren't moving my business along, weren't increasing my relationship with God, weren't self care...

 It's time to work on not getting sucked into "idle tasks" and working to make every minute count.

Time to take a little perspective from my clients, as they're starting a life with a new addition to the family.  Thank you for the inspiration, loves!

♥/Kalli

It's 2014, baby!

It's a new year.  Now I am more determined then ever to work hard toward the goal of expanding my little family of two.

Pre "trying-for-baby" goals:

1. Throw out half the things I own (or sell them) and get more organized.
2. Keep making sure Kalimana Film Stories (http://www.kalimana.com) grows, so I can get ready to work a little less once the time comes.
3. Get healthy.  I am MANY pounds overweight - to the point that it could cause major risks if I try for the natural homebirth I hope to have - so it's time to eat better & start a lifetime routine of getting active.

Then... *drum roll* for the ultimate goal of the year:  Start trying to get pregnant. That will be fun. ;)

After documenting so many births, I find myself in tears sometimes for my desire to have a baby myself.  I am the only one preventing this, as my hubby and I have set some goals to meet before we start trying, and I haven't been working nearly hard enough on them.  But now is the time.  I am more motivated then ever. I'm so excited about this that I set up another exciting motivating factor to lose that weight:  I scheduled a couples portrait session for April/May with the amazing Jenny Cruger (http://www.jennycrugerphotography.com). AHH!!! So excited for that! I need this. :)

If you can cheer me on in any way at all, it would be very appreciated.  And yes, I will update this blog with photos. ;)

Thank you for your support (whether that support comes in the form of subscribing to this blog, following my pages to get the updates, leaving comments, praying for me, or sending me "healthy vibes" ... I LOVE IT)!

High fives, all around! ;)

Your Tennessee film-maker,

Kalimana
(AKA... Kalli Pavon)

A little love letter

To the man laying next to me,

Because you're a heavy sleeper, I'm happy to say I can get all my thoughts out now before I lose them, all the while, laying next to you.  You are amazing.  We just talked more about saving money and in the next year or so, starting a family.  I knew you were responsible, mature, and hard-working, but I had no idea to what extent.  I can't believe that because of you, we now have some money put away.  You helped me decide to pay off the bit I had on a credit card even thought it's currently 0% interest, simply so we can really start saving money (and helped me pay it).  Today you calmed the nerves and stress I had building up from finding out that my medical insurance doesn't cover pregnancy (at all!) and we make too much to get state assistance. I'm not pregnant yet, and we plan to wait, but still... I'm one of those people who focus on the future, so it worries me... not to mention the thought of having a baby excites me like almost nothing else, so suffice it to say, it's on my mind.  You could have called me crazy, told me we'll worry about it in a few months, or got frustrated/stressed out with me...

... BUT instead, you listened to me, expressed your thoughts in a clear, mature way, showed me you love me, held me, and made plans with me today.  And it's not the first time during the nearly 2 months we've been married.  It's amazing how easy it is to talk to you about the future... and how different from when we were "just dating."  It's exactly how I hoped (and doubted) it would be... you know, marriage.  It's filled with easy, flowing, necessary communication, daily prayer together, regular meals together, hugs, kisses, love, smiles, laughs, movies...

If only I had known it would be like this - it would've erased all my insecurities that bothered you so.  I was so scared of the unknown - afraid to trust in the answer I had certainly received from my Heavenly Father when I asked him about my choice to marry you.  After that prayer I had felt so peaceful - so sure.  Then somehow little questions, doubts, insecurities would sneak their way in and mess up that peace God had given me... making me wonder if it was my own heart (and not God) who had confirmed my decision.  But now I know that it really was from Him - that marrying you was not only my desire, but His will.  I'm sure enough about that now that I'm willing to tell you in a public letter.

No matter how cheesy it sounds, you truly are my anchor.  I've been pulled back to where I need to be, and you're holding me still, to stay forever just where I need to be - in your arms.

Love,

Tu Ranita,
Kalimana

Monthaversary

Officially being married for a month now, I thought I'd begin another something new, and start a blog. With my man on my mind, I decided to title this blog "He calls me Kalimana" since... well, he does. :) Yesterday we celebrated his 31st birthday. This year I didn't playfully tease him about how "young" he is - I learned last year (when he finished off the big 30) that it wasn't a great idea. We had some good friends over and ate delicious rice, chicken, carne asada, tortillas, salsa, and... birthday cake! I withstood the urge to take out my camera setup, and left our friends to it with their camera phones - and I'm glad I did! We had a blast, and he had a great time with me there by his side (instead of behind the SLR).




We had an official "kids" talk a couple weeks ago. The plan is to wait about a year and save, save, save! I personally "can't wait" (that's such a funny phrase...) to have children. I know it'll be the biggest change/challenge/trial of my life, but also the most important and rewarding (second to marriage & my commitment to living the Gospel of Jesus Christ). There are so many ideals, plans, goals, etc... that I want to put into action with having kids... Taking advantage of the growth & development they go through during the first year of life, for example, is always on my mind. Discovering the correct disciplining methods, educating plans, etc... are so important to me. There are so many contradicting theories... such as strict government schooling vs. scheduled/regulated home schooling vs. unschooling. There are the theories of CIO (letting your baby "cry it out" in the crib) and those who fight against it. There are groups who say letting your baby sleep with you during the first year (or in a side crib) is important for nurturing, and those who are against it, saying it discourages independence (among other factors). Home birth vs. hospital birth, organic vs. non-organic, soy product debates, TV watching, guided vs. structured learning, and so much more! How will I ever make all these choices? It's a little overwhelming, but I'm so excited to soon be making these decisions... I say soon because I hesitate to make them now, in my naive, never-had-a-child state... I feel like actual experience and seeing my child's personality unfold will guide us to make these choices as they come.




Well, that'll be it for now for my first post!




I'm excited & ready for the future!




Kalli Pavon (AKA Kalimana)